Got Grace 2!

One Week to Go

2012-01-07T15:09:00.002-06:00

By this time next week we'll be down one child in our house. Em is moving away to university and we'll have an empty bedroom. She's hoping it stays that way - empty - while her younger brother is vying for his own room (finally!). Em would prefer we keep it just as it is. Joe would like an office and I would love a craft room. I'm not sure how all of that is going to pan out yet, but time will tell. This "mom" thing is hard when the first baby leaves the nest. In fact, it sucks. There, I said it. I don't like my baby leaving and not needing me anymore. Ok, well, maybe she needs me still, but it's not the same. And, I know I need to allow her the space to spread her wings and fly....blah, blah, blah....just give me a moment here to lament and then I'll be OK. It will all work out. She'll be fine. We've taught her well. She won't be that far away...it's only Chicago. Yeah....ok............... breathing.....talk to me next week....now we're off to wally world for the umpteeth time to buy more stuff for the dorm room. I think Mr. Walton will be very happy to see me today. ugh!

Timeless and Relevant: A 35+ Worship Leader's Dilemma

2012-01-05T18:02:00.000-06:00

Timeless and Relevant: A 35+ Worship Leader's Dilemma

AMEN AND AMEN!

7 Reasons There Are No Women Speaking at Your Conference

2012-01-04T11:47:00.000-06:00

7 Reasons There Are No Women Speaking at Your Conference: Author Rachel Held Evans explains why speaker lineups at Christian conferences often lack diversity.

This was an interesting perspective and one that I need to chew on for a while. Thoughts?

Little Passports

2011-12-16T11:07:00.003-06:00


www.LittlePassportsIllinois.com

In September, Little Passports launched it's home-based business division and I joined on as an inaugural Agent. This award-winning geography program (ages 5+) is a great way for kids to learn all about the world around them through the travels of our characters, Sam and Sophia.

Sarah has been receiving Little Passports in the mail since February 2011 and loves learning all about new countries each month. Just yesterday, she received her China kit in the mail, which contained authentic chop sticks and a dim-sum eraser. She was so excited to know that she gets to use "real" chopsticks ("not the wooden ones, Mom!") and she loved placing her map marker on her map.

Little Passports also offers online access to a kid-safe area (The Boarding Zone) that gives children another opportunity to learn about each country through games, printables, trivia, photos, and more.

If you have a little world traveler in your home, would you consider a subscription plan to Little Passports? Check out my website or facebook page for more information, or give me a call/email to order!

The Heart of a Worshipper

2011-12-03T16:52:00.001-06:00

Courtesy of Deviant Art

Fear

Struggle

Despair

Anger

Frustration

Adoration

Thanksgiving

Joy

Peace

Knowing

King David went through all of these emotions throughout the discourse of his life, yet he had the heart of a worshiper and was one who was after God's own heart.

I have been involved in the business of worship, to some degree, since the 6th grade when I was told that I sang first soprano in the school choir and that I was much needed to hit those high notes that the other girls couldn't hit. I didn't think my four months of piano lessons and no vocal training at that point of my life would lead to anything else.

Then in high school I took choir as an elective. Little did I realize then, that it would lead to other things in my life. For me, at the time, it was a way to not take other classes that my adviser was pushing me to take. Choir led to show choir, which led to school productions and musicals, which led to singing on worship teams at a local churches (are you seeing God's hand move here?). All the while, I was tinkering on the piano and working out chords and melodies that I had no business playing with at that time. To this day I still don't read music too well, but give me a fake sheet and some lyrics and I'm pretty good to go (if I know the tune).

So, I share all of that history to say this: I am finally wrapping my head around the gifts and callings of my life. I have been told countless times that I have "a beautiful voice" and that I should record an album (that would mp3 for you yungen's) and I've always desired to do so. But, I've never been brave enough to go about doing something so huge an endeavor. I have spent years squashing that idea because of fear, anger, frustration, struggle, and despair over my inabilities and lack of training. I've led worship at our church for the past nine years and I know with all that I am that I'm called to preach.... but sing? Record? Lead Worship? I can't even put a band together at church, for goodness sake!

But wouldn't it be just like God to use someone just like me? He did it with David. That dude was a giant-killer, a murder, an adulterer, and a mighty king. But he always told the Lord how he felt in song. I can do that.....errr...right? Can a girl who preaches also write music and sing and lead worship? Would that fall under the category of "Singing Preacher?" ;) Oh dear....

Someone at the church has given me their songs to "tweak" since I'm a "Levite" in their eyes. I don't know about the Levite part, and I'm not so sure about the tweak part, but I'm giving it a whirl. I don't want this person to get offended if I change things, and I don't know what will happen with those songs, but I am feeling pulled back to my piano and back to creating again. I stopped creating about two years ago during a huge time of trial and testing in our lives, but I think it's time to hop back onto that horse and see what God wants to do. Pray for me!

I'm feeling a shift in my atmosphere, as far as what I am doing and where we are going. I hate being stagnant and I want to do whatever God is calling me to do. I want to be clay in His hands, spare change in His pocket. I think that means that I have to get over myself and just do it. (Nike would be proud!) I can't fear the warfare anymore and I can't fear people's opinions. All that should really matter is what my God thinks. I want to be a woman after God's own heart.

Wow...that's huge!

Cow-based Economics Lesson

2011-12-03T11:22:00.001-06:00

I don't know who the original author of this lesson is to give him/her credit, but a friend of mine posted it on Facebook and I thought it was good.

A Cow based Economics Lesson

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other,and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listedcompany, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that youget all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred viaan intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majorityshareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows,with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of theUnited States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonicalessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce themilk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cowhas dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block theroads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size ofan ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called aCowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where theyare.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and highbovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the realsituation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of youand invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now aDemocracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers tocelebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

"Pastor" Cindy

2011-11-29T21:13:00.001-06:00

So, I've been nominated by our board at church for ordination. I am presently licensed to do everything an ordained minister can do (marry, bury, baptize, hospital visits, counseling, etc...) but I have to have my license renewed annually. So what's the big deal about ordination? Well, it's a life-long thing. It says that I am called for this thing for the rest of my life. It says that God's calling on my life is evident and that I am sure that this is what He wants me to do. Yikes. That brings a big weight with it, but I know it's something I am supposed to do. Joe and I have always done ministry together - as equals. And yes, I do submit to his authority as my husband and as the Senior Pastor of the church, but we are co-pastoring and I carry that title as much as he does. My struggle has been in accepting that title. You see, I'm not much for titles. I just do what I know I'm supposed to do. I lead worship. I pray. I minister. I disciple. I lead people to Jesus. I do what everyone else in the church can/should do. I guess I'm trying to wrap my head around the title of ordained pastor (although the actual ordination won't be for a few months). It's a big deal, but it's not a big deal. Make sense? By the way, the Rev. Barbie relates to a word God gave me a few weeks ago at a Vineyard Sr. Women Leader's retreat in Malibu. God has a HUGE sense of humor.....

For my Vineyard UK Friends!

2011-05-16T09:52:00.000-05:00

VNC 2011: Celebrate from Vineyard Churches UK & Ireland on Vimeo.

Thoughts of a Regular Guy: Ed Maloney Wants Homeschoolers In Jail

2011-02-15T20:34:00.000-06:00

Thoughts of a Regular Guy: Ed Maloney Wants Homeschoolers In Jail

Coffee-Mate Art Night

2011-02-08T11:56:00.000-06:00

I just hosted a fun night of arts and crafts with Free Flavor Friday, provided by Coffee-Mate, and we had a blast! Coffee-Mate sent us a beautiful art kit, full of colored pencils, pastels and watercolors, along with acrylic paint and paintbrushes. To top it off, they sent us very cool drawing and painting pads that had the Coffee-Mate creamer bottle on them.

I invited friends over to the church for an informal night of creativity. Here are some of our pictures from the event:

Man of No Reputation

2011-01-29T16:17:00.000-06:00

Rick Elias wrote this song years ago and I cry every time I hear him sing it. I miss hangin' out with Rick, but maybe one day soon we'll get to meet up again. Hope you enjoy this tune!

We did it!

2010-12-22T23:37:00.000-06:00

No, not that! After 20 years of casual conversations about how fun it would be......Joe went and got free tickets to Chicago's "Do It Yourself Messiah"! We bought two copies of Shirmer's score, teaching tapes for all four voices, and armed the Ipod with our part (we both sang Tenor, even though I learned Soprano in high school). Last night we joined 1500 other people to sing through most of the composition (the chorus parts) and to enjoy an evening with other geeks like ourselves. Joe doesn't read music, so he said he sang in what he called a "jazz" style. Yes he did! But in his defense, we were sitting in the balcony and were surrounded by a bunch of first timers who didn't know the Tenor part either! But I do have to say, the Hallelujah Chorus brought us to tears and was a very powerful moment in the evening (it happens after Part 2 of 3). I guess if I had a "Bucket List" I could check that one off! Last night was the 35th year of this Christmas tradition that started in Chicago, so it was fun to be a part of it. There were several orchestra and audience members who have been involved with this production for 20+ years. I told Joe that if we had done this when we first spoke of it 20 years ago, we could've been a part of that crowd too! ;) Lesson here? GO FOR IT! Don't be afraid to try something new - you just might like it!

Digital Nativity Story

2010-12-18T10:09:00.000-06:00

This is very clever & interesting...Thoughts?

For new church planters

2010-11-04T12:54:00.002-05:00

Book Review: "For You They Signed" by Marilyn Boyer

2010-11-03T07:42:00.000-05:00

Marilyn Boyer is my new hero! "For You They Signed" is a wonderful work of love and quite an eye-opening piece of literature that any God-fearing home schooling family must have. Most people know that Thomas Jefferson and John Hancock signed the Declaration of Independence, but most of us do not know of the other fifty-four men who also signed. Who were they? What did they believe? What qualified them to sign this most important historical document?

From the very first page of this beautifully illustrated 341 page hardbound book, the reader is presented with fascinating quotes, illustrations and facts that aren't taught in today's typical history text book. While reading the various biographies in "For You They Signed" it becomes clear that modern texts have distorted, or even eliminated, our country's Christian heritage and the faith of our founding fathers. For example, did you know that the American Revolution wasn't a revolution at all, or that the minute men consisted of ministers and deacons and their parishioners? A Crown-appointed British governor said this of the minute men, "If you ask an American, who is his master, he'll tell you he has none, nor any governor but Jesus Christ." .

Having lived in Georgia for six years, our family was fascinated to learn about Button Gwinnett. Mr. Gwinnett (for whom Gwinnett County is named) emigrated to Georgia from England in 1759 as an export shipper and storekeeper. He failed in his business so he borrowed money to purchase land, which we know as St. Catherine's Island. In 1773 Gwinnett's creditors took over his land and the British invaded his livestock. In 1768 he entered politics and then became a part of the Continental Congress in 1776, just in time to sign the Declaration at the age of 41. Mr. Gwinnett was then elected as Speaker of the Georgia legislature, where he helped form the state's constitution. A year after signing, Mr. Gwinnett died in a very unusual way, but you'll have to read pages 311 - 312 to find out how his story ends!

In this body of work you will find an easy to read biography for each of the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence, categorized by the state in which he lived. It furnishes a Scripture verse for each signer, his birth and death dates, his family and education information, and several pages outlining his life and what led up to him becoming a participant in signing the Declaration. Each biography is followed by several discussion questions which would be suitable to use in a one-year family devotion format, as a supplement to history assignments, within a co-op setting, or even as personal devotions.

It has been an absolute pleasure to read through this book and to learn some amazing facts about the men who sacrificed their lives, resources, and honor so that we could live freely. It is so evident that Marilyn Boyer has poured countless hours in this labor of love, and in my humble opinion, every family who wants to teach the truth to our children needs to have this resource in their home.

Time is Flying!

2010-07-03T10:13:00.000-05:00

Jane's memory is getting worse. It's a constant barrage of the same questions each day, one being "How long am I here?" This is why I didn't go into the nursing profession. I don't have much patience for the same twenty questions over and over and over again, but I also feel sorry for Jane. Her world has come to a screeching halt - no concept of time - while ours is whizzing by at the speed of light. It has been about eight months since she first got here and it seems like it has gone by so quickly. Just another reminder that time is so very precious, and once it's gone you can't get it back.

Tomorrow we will be celebrating the 4th of July, but we'll also be celebrating my mom's birthday and Emily's birthday. We're heading up to Antioch to spend the afternoon with my sisters, my parents, and Grannie Annie. Should be a nice afternoon and evening for us all. Emily is now 17, but it seems like just yesterday that I was sitting in the NICU in Rockford holding a precious, fragile, 8 week premature baby in my hands. She was so little!

Last 4th of July we spent the evening in the parking lot of Stock Lumber in DeKalb watching the fireworks with 3D glasses and handing out glow necklaces to everyone who came to watch the fireworks. This was our servant evangelism project and it went pretty well. There's no more Stock Lumber in DeKalb - they closed down and now Randy (who managed it) and Julie have moved to Wisconsin. Kind of bittersweet for me. Another example of how time changes things and it can't remain the same.

One thing, though, that I know I can count on never changing is God. He remains unchanged. I am so grateful for that today. I know I can always count on Him and that He's stable and faithful. I wonder what He thinks about all the changes going on in this world with all of His kids?

Lightening Strikes 3 Chicago Landmarks at Once!

2010-06-30T09:45:00.000-05:00

Joe and I were in the city when this happened, but we didn't see the whole breadth of it. This is an amazing work of God's splendor!

Lightning strikes three of the tallest buildings in Chicago at the same time! from Craig Shimala on Vimeo.

See! It's OK for clergy to like FOOTBALL!!

2010-06-23T11:22:00.002-05:00

I love the fact that the Archbishop Desmond Tutu opened the FIFA 2010 World Cup and that he's so enthusiastic about it.

Can't Get this Out of My Head!!

2010-06-11T12:39:00.000-05:00

Today is the parade and rally in downtown Chicago for the Blackhawk's win of the Lord Stanley Cup Championship- the first time we've won it in 49 years. Joe, Emily, Cody, Nathan, Ben, and Sarah are all down on Michigan Avenue watching the festivities. There are about 1 Million people there (literally) while I'm at home watching it on TV. It's about 90 degrees today and very hot -- glad I'm at home. I worry about them dehydrating or getting smushed by the the crowds. They are crazy! Congrats Blackhawks!

You Are Still Holy

2010-06-06T19:39:00.000-05:00

One of my all-time favorite songs by one of my all-time favorite artists (Rita Springer). This couple does an awesome job on this song - I really like their sound a lot. I've been "itching" to start writing more and recording. I feel like I'm getting too "old" to record, but I know that it's just my lack of confidence. I'm praying about it.

The Skinny on Worship

2010-06-03T09:34:00.000-05:00

Um...words can't even begin to express how I feel about this! LOL

I Do!

2010-06-01T10:10:00.000-05:00

So it's wedding season and this is the my debut as a wedding minister. I have two weddings a week apart in June and a wedding in August. I've never performed a wedding ceremony - I've left that up to Joe - but all three of these brides requested ME! I'm very honored and humbled to be included in these special days and I am excited to be able to mentor and guide these couples in their preparation for marriage.

In doing so, I now have to come up with a "sermonette" to share during the ceremony. The one in August will be easy because it's for my youngest sister, Jen. She and Greg have dated for a very long time and I'm glad they're finally "tying the knot." But these first two have had me really thinking and planning. I know it will be fine and will all work out, but something tells me it's gonna be interesting.

I got a phone call from the father of the bride for wedding #1 (which is next week) and he wants me to incorporate a story about the couple that he told me. I don't mind doing this, but I could sense the nerves kicking in with dear-old-dad and it leaves me wondering if I'll be getting any more phone calls pre-rehearsal. Then today I got an email from the same bride asking me to redo the vows so that all they have to say is "I Do" instead of repeating after me. I find this funny because they were adamant about repeating after me a week ago, but now they're nervous that they're going to "mess up." Of course, what the Bride wants she'll get, so "I Do" is fine with me, but I do find it funny how nerves dictate what is going to happen. So this week, in the midst of finishing up school with the kids, cleaning the house, cleaning and moving stuff around the church, and all the regular church duties that I have to accomplish, I will be reworking my wedding ceremony book and put the finishing touches on my sermonette.

Memorial Day 2010

2010-05-30T23:15:00.000-05:00

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

-John F. Kennedy

This holiday is one that often confused me as a kid because we also celebrate Veteran's Day - which is to honor our war veterans. I guess the major difference is that Veteran's Day celebrates those who are still alive, while Memorial (Decoration) Day is for those who have passed on (even if it wasn't during active duty).

The above quote by our former President kind of struck a nerve with me as I read it because I looked at it from a Kingdom perspective instead of an American perspective. Although I am a natural born citizen of the United States of America, this is not my home. I am an alien here because I am an eternal citizen of the Kingdom of God. John F. Kennedy says that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to keep our liberty. But as a daughter of the King of Kings, isn't it my duty and right to do this all in the name of Christ to advance His Kingdom?

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for a friend. - John 15:13
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. - Galatians 6:2
Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. - Acts 2:45
Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers, even though they are strangers to you. - 3 John 1:5
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. - 1 Corinthian 15:58

Don't get me wrong, I love living in America and I love this country. I commend the men and women who have forged ahead in this country for my freedoms. I am grateful that I live in a place where I can freely worship on Sunday mornings without the threat of persecution or terror invading the sanctuary. Our military men and women fought for my freedom to do so. It's great to be a citizen of the US, but I also understand that this is not my final destination. I am not trying to diminish the celebration that our military personnel so greatly deserve. I thank a soldier for serving every time I meet one. I have family that has served. I appreciate and applaud the dedication and selflessness that each member of our military displays. But this Memorial Day I am going to be thinking about how I, as a child of God, can apply the truths spoken by President Kennedy to the people around me and make a difference for my other home - the Kingdom.

Baptisms

2010-05-28T11:23:00.000-05:00

Next Sunday we will be having baptisms during our morning worship celebration. I am excited that we have 5-6 people getting baptized, but most of them are kids. Not that kids getting baptized is a bad thing, but it just emphasizes the fact that we're not reaching lost adults. We're not doing enough telling and sharing. It is convicting me that we have a whole lot of work to do with very little hands to do it.

Joe and I just did some research about our area last week and we've learned that 90% of our population (taking out those who go to main-line denominational churches) are unchurched. That's a HUGE number of people that we need to reach. That number also doesn't include the university students. WOW! I hope the Church is ready. It's time to roll up our sleeves and get busy!

In January of this year, Joe and I prayed and asked the Lord to give us 100 salvations this year. So far (not including the baptisms) we have 4. 96 to go!

2010-05-26T09:57:00.000-05:00

I hope that if this should ever happen to me that I would have the courage and strength to do what this dear lady did. What a testimony!

Cake Wrecks

2010-05-25T09:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, so for those who don't really know me, I'm a bit of a sweets junkie. I had a short stint as a baker in a restaurant and I can make some killer desserts, if I do say so myself. However, I am just learning how to really decorate cakes (ala Ace of Cakes) and I stumbled upon this blog a few months ago. It has now become one of my favorite places to visit on the web. Warning: Not for the serious or those who can't take a joke! Enjoy :)

CECL

2010-05-24T11:05:00.000-05:00

Joe is taking classes through CECL right now and we just got home from a weekend of classes for church leadership. It was a very productive weekend with our leadership team - or what's left of it. We're down to Joe and myself, and two other people. The other couple that we had on board are moving out of state and this has become a very pivotal time in our church. But I think, no -- I know it's a God thing. This weekend has forced us to re-look at our vision, mission, and processes. It has forced us to view things from a visitor's perspective and from a lost person's perspective. We're changing things soon and this time I think it's really going to be effective and for the better. We've been pruned, snipped, shaped, and molded and I think it's all what God wants. Our team is tired, weary, physically hurt, and somewhat cautious of the future, but there's a little more than a mustard-seed of faith there and God will use it. I feel mixed about church life right now. Part of me is frustrated at the circumstances that have brought us to this place, and part of me is really excited because I feel in my Spirit that God is on the verge of doing that thing I've been sensing for the past few years. We're on the verge of a huge breakthrough. We're on the verge of growth and a community that truly does function well and love one another. We on the verge of people getting in touch with a loving God and giving their hearts to him. That's exciting! In two weeks we're doing baptisms. I think we'll be doing 5-6 of them and half of them are new converts to Christianity. God is moving!

Say What?

2010-02-09T15:53:00.002-06:00

This past Sunday was the first Sunday in 7 years that I've missed leading worship/going to church because I was sick. So I asked Joe what he preached on (he also led worship, much to my surprise, which I'm told he did fairly well with). His basis was Matt 10. He challenged the people to do the stuff as they went about town and to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Then at the end he did a sort of "commissioning" and asked people to raise their hands if they wanted to do the stuff. Only about 1/2 the room raised their hands. Um, hello??? tap...tap...tap....ANYBODY OUT THERE???? Many of them wanted prayer and wanted people to minister TO them, but they don't want to become responsible to the call of Jesus and get messy. My response? In the words of Charlie Brown....

Why? Why do we have to live in a community of NEEDY people? I mean, I know there are people who come who haven't been exposed to the Gospel and who just don't know, but these folks have been with us for the long haul. These are the Lucys, Linuses, and Peppermint Patties who we relate to day in and day out. WAKE UP CHURCH!

So this Sunday is Valentine's Day and we're showing this movie, "Furious Love". It's the sequel to "Finger of God" by Darren Wilson, and I can tell you that it's 100% better than his first film. It's also a wake-up call to the Church. If we don't start sharing God's love with people, then how are they gonna know? Who will tell them? Aren't we called to be His hands and His feet to the Nations? Aren't we called to LOVE eachother and love those who don't always get the love? Go see it. Get touched. Go do. Repeat.

What made me sad and angry was the lethargy I felt when Joe was sharing the response on Sunday. I want our church to be known for it's love. I want our church to get beyond the "Oh, you're the Vineyard - aren't you guys a hospital-type of church?" or "Oh, the Vineyard. Yeah, you used to have cool worship music." Blah, blah, blah. Where did we derail from the track God put us on? Where did we lose the vision? Where did we stop doin' the stuff? When did we stop loving and become more caught up with social justice and our appearances? Because if that's what we've become then I want to get off this train and find one going in the right direction. I'm tired of complacency and lethargy. I'm tired of the Church playing church. I'm pissed. Yes, I said that.

This got me!

2010-01-15T11:23:00.000-06:00

While you wait for God to work and manifest your sure deliverance, you wrap yourself around Him as tightly as you possibly can. Ask Him to make you more God-aware than you have ever been in your life. Bind yourself to Him with everything you've got so that you will ultimately-inevitably go anywhere He does. Hang on for dear life and never let go. No matter how long it takes, He will never run out of breath or stop to soak His aching feet. Pin yourself so close to Him you can almost hear Him whisper. His words will live in you and you will live in Him.

- Beth Moore

Life.....and death

2010-01-10T23:24:00.004-06:00

I'm amazed at how the "circle of life" happens and how short life really is. Every day in this world there are births, birthday celebrations, and death. Today was Jane's 75th birthday. She didn't realize it until one of the kids told her the date. All she wanted to do was go for a steak, so we obliged after church was over and took her to Applebees for a sirlion. They even sang "happy birthday" to her and gave her a huge bowl of ice cream. She beamed from ear to ear and it was sweet. In the geriatric world Jane is considered "young." I hear it a lot from people in the medical fields who ask us how old she is. Jane has some health issues and needs constant supervision, but she has a great wit and sense of humor, and she keeps things interesting around here, to say the least.

Then I think about being 75. It seems so far away to me, but then again I feel like I was 17 just yesterday. In my brain I am still 21, but my body and my greying hair say otherwise. More lines, more sags, more of a spare tire around my middle.....sigh..... but I also know that I am young too, even at the ripe old age of 41 3/4. I feel like I have a long way to go before I get to be Jane's age.

Today the world lost another young woman whom I grew to love in a very short time. Tania was 49 and died unexpectedly. Her heart gave out on her and now her beautiful family is devastated and trying to make sense of it all. We all are. My sweet friend is in the arms of her Creator and I know she is at peace. I am praying for peace for her family as well. I am asking the Lord to comfort them and He has repeatedly told me that He's there in their midst right now.

I don't like the fact that some people's lives are cut so short. It frustrates me and I can't even begin to understand why the Lord allows some to only live a few hours and others 100 years or more. It seems unjust, but God has his reasons. He's in control. But that doesn't alleviate the pain, grief, and suffering that death causes. I don't understand why Tania was taken today, but it has shaken me to the core. I'm only 8 years (in two months) away from being 49. I can't take tomorrow for granted. I need to be more conscious about saying "I love you" to the people who matter the most to me. I need to take better care of myself. I need to do everything God has asked me to do and stop making excuses. I need to start living my life to the fullest and know that when my time comes to go Home, that I've done what I was sent here to do.

So, to sweetheart Joe, and my precious children: Emily, Nathan, Benjamin, Sarah Joy; Mom, Dad, Letty, Jen, Greg, Jane, Grannie Annie, Randy, Julie, Theresa, Jeff, Tammy, Charlotte, Niels, Mary Lynn, Mary Ellen, John and Suzanne, Rocky & Cindy, and many, many others that I can't even begin to list here - thank you and I love you all so very, very much. You have shaped me, prayed for me, mentored me, and loved me and I am so grateful that you have been and are in my life. I love you! I don't know how much longer the Lord will allow me to do the work of His Kingdom here on earth, but I do know that He has given each of you to me as a gift. What a joy you are to my heart.

The weather is getting to me!

2010-01-05T17:01:00.002-06:00

Another 7-10 inches of the white stuff will be here by Thursday night, along with single-digit temperatures and wind. I am tired of cold toes, cold fingers, the shivers, and ice. Did I mention that I hate winter? It's only January 5th too, which means another 3 months of this crap. Oh how I long for a beach, warm breezes, and a pina colada in a pint glass with a pink umbrella on top. Our last vacation was last March, which feels like an eternity ago. This past year was about the worst I've ever had, and I am really needing some sun and fun right about now. Normally this feeling doesn't set in until the end of February, so that might tell you just how lousy the weather has been around here. Snow-covered corn fields are UGLY!

We started school back up yesterday and we're slowly getting back into a routine. It's good with the boys because they have been good about getting their stuff done early (maybe the RockBand for Wii downstairs has something to do with that?). Emmy is sick this week and has spent the past two days in bed. Sarah has been her usual self, which normally I can overlook, but my aching for warmth and her whining are sending me to the moon and back. I'm praying that God grants me patience and mercy for the rest of this week.

Ms. C you've posed an interesting question on my last post. My asnwer to you would be that God knew excatly what he was doing by putting my Spirit in this body and giving me to the family I have. I just don't know how much more verbal abuse I should allow on behalf of my mom and my kids. I have tried talking Jesus with them at various points of my life since 1983, to no avail. I'm the "religious one" in the family. They tolerate it. Not much else. I just pray my children never treat me the way my sisters and dad treated my kids and my mom on Sunday. It was, in Joe's favorite Scottish accent, "an absolute disgrace."

Now I'm off to scour the internet for money-making opportunities for people at home. Wish me luck (and for discernment to spot the scams and find the legitimate money-makers). I have bills to pay and not enough $$ to pay them! YIKES!

Diaper Bags, sibling squabbles, and a birthday party

2010-01-04T09:49:00.004-06:00

Yesterday we (Joe, the kids, Jane, and I) all traveled up to Gurnee to my Grandmother's 86th birthday party. My whole extended family was invited and several of my aunts, uncles, and cousins were there to celebrate. Some were not due to family squabbles and stupidity, but that's a long story that would bore a beaver if I began to tell it.

Joe was concerned about taking Jane because he knows my side of the family can drink quite a bit and Jane is a recovering alcholic. She also is on strong meds for alzheimers, and when she drinks it can get messy. We have to pack a "diaper bag", so to speak, with a change of clothes for her and extra essentials like her cigarettes. I don't mind this so much, but I do mind other people's comments. I guess my mom made a comment to my aunt, which Joe overheard. That really ticks me off. We didn't have any accidents, but we did follow Jane several times to the bathroom just in case. On top of it, she had two glasses of champagne - one which I knew about and one which I found out about late last night. The 2nd glass was given after everyone at the table was asked not to give her more, but they refilled her when I wasn't looking. The total lack of respect has me infuriated.

Then, as if that lack of respect wasn't enough, one of my sisters hurled a vulger insult towards my mom while we were playing "Catch Phrase" with about 10 family members. I couldn't believe the insult, but more than that I couldn't believe that everyone let it slide - especially my father. I guess all of this just solidified the fact that my family lacks respect for anyone and they don't care about other people. Shameful! I'm embarrased by their actions and I don't know how to express this to them without having to endure the "Oh, Cindy, you're just overly sensitive..." crap. Ugh! I guess the bright side to all of this was that Grandma had a good time and was oblivious to the bad behavior of some of her kids/grandkids.

2010 - New Decade, New Beginnings

2009-12-31T14:53:00.003-06:00

Ok. Yup. Old posts deleted, cleaning out the cobwebs in the corner of my blog, and a "resolution" of sorts to start blogging again. I wondered today, December 31, 2009, if some of my frustrations in the past year came because I didn't journal. If I had just written out how I had felt and what I was up to, maybe I could've avoided some of my anger, loneliness, and hurts. So, to my dear, dear, Ms. C across the Pond, this is my attempt to keep you entertained and me sane! LOL! Here's to a better 2010 and better decade than the last. Happy New Year!